They day my grandmother
passed away, was the day a piece of me was gone with her. When she got sick
with cancer she’d tell my family she was going to come back as a butterfly. One
night not to long after her death I had a dream; I was standing in a field, the
sun was colorful and warm. I could smell sunflowers. I look up and I see this
beautiful butterfly swooping down towards me. It was a brilliant aqua with dark
blue veins running through its wings. Its lands on my shoulder. It was a
feeling of safety, comfort, and patience. I didn’t want it to leave me. Before I
could even wake up I had the understanding of it being my grandmother.
Every brush I made on the paper, I felt that much closer to
a permanent decision. Am I ready for this? I had given it a lot of thought throughout
the years. As I finished sketching the flowers I moved onto the anchor. My
grandfather was a marine; he deeply cared about his profession, knowing how
proud his family was of him. It was something he enjoyed. Flying towards the
anchor I drew a butterfly about to perch on the edge and colored it in aqua- grandma’s
favorite color. I wrapped two sunflowers around it. As I finished this I knew
it was going to be apart of me for the rest of my life. All three of these objects
represented some of the most important people to me, my grandfather, grandmother,
and mother. The reason why I chose sunflowers for my mother is because it’s her
favorite flower. When I had that dream a few years back, I now understand it smelled
of sunflowers because of my mother.
It was a month after my eighteenth birthday, I walked into
the tattoo parlor, the music was sort of loud, but the buzzing of the gun was
overpowering and lingered throughout the shop. A few of my friends began to
look through the artist’s portfolio, trying to make a life decision in only a
few minutes. I gazed through it quickly. The only thing that caught my
attention was a drawing of a monkey racing on a little pink toy car. I still can’t
get myself to understand why anyone would tattoo something on themselves that
have absolutely no meaning.
“Your next girl” my friend called out from a hidden
room down the hall. I walked in steadily and saw my friend Justin drawing out
the image I had created, using his own techniques .Justin has been tattooing
for four years now and he has become a great artist. He’s mostly known for script, and has done another
tattoo I had gotten not to long before. It’s psalm 23:4. I was brought up
catholic, so getting tattoos aren’t widely accepted, so the irony of a prayer
being marked on your body could be looked at in a few ways. For myself I believe,
sometimes life can lead you in the wrong direction, and beliefs change. I got this to keep me close to my faith. I
have no regrets getting that tattoo. When I see those words, I am reminded to
keep faith even when you feel like there not much hope.
He places the stencil on my upper shoulder, asking me if the
placement’s good. After getting the right adjustments, I feel the cool mist
spray on my skin and he applies pressure to the stencil. A strong smell of green
soap hangs in the air. I straddle the chair with my face pointed towards the
ground. As soon as I hear the machine
buzz, I felt a burning feeling tear across my shoulder blade. It feels as if you’re
dipping a scrape into the salty ocean water. Two hours of pain, I can’t wait for the
buzzing too subside. The only relief was the cool spray used to wipe of the running
of the ink. I squeezed my mother’s hand. She stood by my side the whole time,
knowing how much this means to me. My father waits in the other room unhappy.
He let me know before I went in there that this was going to be permanent; like
I hadn’t already known. I watch Justin
dip the needle into the yellow ink, completing the last stroke. “Were all done”
he calls out.
I cried seeing my tattoo for the first time. There’s a sense
of comfort. It’s as if I’m back in my dream.. I couldn’t picture myself without
it today. This tattoo has helped me deal with the loss of my loved ones. My
mother is happy that she is a part of it also. I know how hard it was for her to lose her parents, so I wanted her to know they’ll
always be together. It’s beautiful that art has helped me deal with hard situations,
especially things that you cannot change. I have been practicing to be a tattoo
artist myself. I hope to become a better artist and one day give someone
something permanent that they can treasure forever.
